It's been almost 2 months since i first arrived in Dublin. I would like to say i miss Singapore a whole lot but it seems that i hardly do at times. After 4 years of not being able to do what i want, i'm finally dabbling in a field that i'm interested in. I would not say its entirely easy but to like learning something is refreshing. When i first arrived, i thought perhaps maybe i've made a wrong choice to continue pursuing this unreachable dream. And perhaps the voices that said that i'm crazy and stupid for wanting it so much were correct. At the back of my head the thought - that this dream wouldn't be as great as i perceived it to be or that it will turn out to be not something that i really thought i wanted - scared the hell out of me. It didn't help that my closest friends around me were moving on to their next stage of their lives - work and probably marriage,whilst i continue down the academic path and leave my relationship back at home. But i decided i had to take the chance. At the crossroads, this path which was so hard to come by called out to me. I knew that this would definitely be the turning point in my life.
During this 2 months, when i was alone and cooped up in my room, a small voice inside of me questioned maybe i was wrong. Wrong to be tempted to take this path. But then another small voice in my heart retorted with a simple question: if i did not make this choice, what would i be doing now back home? Most definitely and without question, i would be working. After graduating, I did attend a whole lot of interviews as a secondary back up plan. The job most suitable for my degree would be research. But research would not be my primary interest. I just couldn't see myself sitting in the lab from 9-5pm in my youth. Perhaps in my later years. Personally, I thrived on social interaction. So then if i had become a researcher, i wouldn't be happy. I would probably dread going to work everyday. If i had chosen to go into pharmaceutical sales, it would be because i could control my income. But is money everything? It would be lovely to have a nice pay package but at the end of the day, near deadlines, i would probably be so sick of it. So what then? With what my degree offered, i'll probably take up the private education offer. I do like teaching. I like helping people understand, show them it wasn't difficult to understand and even somehow stirring up their passion for the subject. Yet i know i wouldn't be truly happy as it is not something i knew i wanted in life. So then it seems that i have made the right decision since there was nothing back for me then. Besides medicine, i would have perhaps liked to be in a field where i could make pretty things, making people pretty and so forth. But i left that area a long time back in secondary school. It might be a little far-fetched for me to be predict but possibly next time in the far future, i could do it as a sideline. For now, i have to make my time worth and learn to be a good doctor.
Interestingly, last week we learned that in every cohort of medical students, there would be a particular individual who would succumb to the stresses of being in this specific course and develop a certain ailment. Commonly, this would be some sort of psychological illness - schizophrenia, bipolar disease or depression, or an addiction and perhaps obsession and paranoia.
We were also told to that most of us if not all will never be the top of our class again or even score As. Yet we should not be taken aback because after all grades does not necessarily predict what kind of doctor a person will turn out to be. haha. But life isn't as simple as they make it out to be yes? They did not consider other compounding factors of why we need good grades. In particular, good grades to obtain scholarships or when grades especially matter in a competitive home country.
Life should be with no regrets because all the choices that we makeļ¼ we can blame no one but ourselves. We can say someone compelled us to do it or that we really had no choice. But no, there is always a choice. We could walk out and never turn back. Some choices needed more courage and perseverance than others. When i'm old and wrinkled and hopefully not alone, i'll tell this to my children that it is up to them to make the most out of their lives. If i am able to give them opportunities and they choose not seize them, they only have themselves to fault.
Je ne regrette rien, i pray.Labels: life, medical school, thoughts
